How I over come body shame

There are a few different strategies that I used to help me overcome the self hatred I had for my own body. I call this one the “Mirror Method”. It only takes about 5 minutes so its quick. Lets get started.

1.Every morning or night look at your self in the mirror completely naked. If your to insecure then you can leave your clothes on, but try to work up to the point where you can be comfortable naked.

2.Give yourself a compliment every morning before you leave the house. It can be that you like the color of your hair, or the way your pants fits you. It can be literally anything just give yourself a compliment.

3. Every night when you undress look at your self in the mirror and try to find something you love about yourself. Instead of looking for flaws or at the flaws you think you already have.  Only look at what you do like and try to find something new that you like about yourself everyday.

For example: I don’t like my stomach so I ignored my stomach area when I first started and focused every where else until I was more comfortable with myself. I  loved how big my eyes were, how soft my skin was, and how firm and perky my breast were. I focused on those things everyday until I can find a new thing to like about myself.

Do this everyday. You will feel more comfortable with yourself. Love things about yourself you may not have noticed before. Be less focused on flaws. Be confident. Most importantly you’ll be happier with yourself.

Quotes I find helpful

“People aren’t against you they are for themselves.” – unknown

“Who cares what people think they don’t pay your bills or keep you warm at night.” – Evette licon

“A relationship is like a house. When a lightbulb burns out you do not go out and buy a new house, you fix the lightbulb.” – unknown

“Its not who are thats holding you back, its who you think your not.” – unknown

“Do not worry if you’ve built castles in the air. They are where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” – Henry David Thoreau

“When a bird lands on a branch it doesn’t worry about the branch breaking underneath it because it relies on its own wings.” – unknown

 

 

I got robbed yesterday

Yesterday I was robbed. I have never felt so violated. I don’t understand how some people can have such little regard for another human beings life. They took my sense of security and my stuff.

So yesterday I was riding bikes with my lovely husband when someone followed us home. This man quickly pulled his car around with his truck already opened and took our brand new bikes that my husband had bought us that same morning. This man was not scared he seemed like a professional thief and carried a weapon. he then tried to come into our home which was locked. once he seen other people come outside he ran into his car and took off. He parked in a way where we didn’t get his license plate and we never seen his face and the neighbors didn’t see anything either.

We called the police and they didn’t even care. To them it was just a stolen bike. This man  followed us home. He knows were we live. He tried to enter our residence and the police just acted like it was nothing more then a bike…no big deal. They had nothing to go on so he most likely wouldn’t be caught. They didn’t seem to care and acted a little annoyed that it was only a bike that got taken. They seemed like they were expecting more “action.” How could people so carless to others!? Has anything ever happened to you like this and what did you do?

Why I don’t wear bras

Ive read a lot of benefits about why women should wear bras. Ill admit I didn’t stop wearing bras because of the claimed benefits. It was more of a comfort thing. Its been 3 years since I’ve worn a bra and this is what I noticed.

Since I’ve stopped wearing bras my breast have gotten fuller, thicker, and bigger. I’ve gone from a size 34A to a size 34C. My breast have also changed their shape. They went from a sort of coned shape to a rounder, more proportional even sized breast. They also got a lot perkier. I used to have to rely on pushup bras to get them to stay high up but now they just stay up there and always look like I’m wearing a push up bra. They’ve learned to support themselves. My breast are softer, more sensitive, and my chest is clearer (acne free). Since I’ve ditched the bra I’ve seen nothing but benefits!

I also learned self confidence. I used to be shy about my nipples. Now I’m as confident as ever. I feel naturally beautiful, have no body image issues regarding my breast, and no longer see a part of my body as shameful or something to be hidden. Im proud of my breasts and highly recommend going bra free!

How I became a Bud Light model

When I was 23 years old I was walking around at a place called “Toms Farm” in Southern California. A lady walked up to me and randomly says “your very pretty. I like your body. I got a job for you if want. Its $25 – $30 and hour. You can travel, meet new people, and get free stuff. so what do you think” Immediately red flags started going off in my head I thought this is a scam!

She was persistent and kept talking not giving me the chance to tell her to leave me alone. She’s sounded like she was selling a pitch to me. She didn’t in anyway look or sound professional. she had a mini dress on with tattoos all over her body and she talked talked like a sailor.

Finally when she took a break I told her I had a job already thinking she would just walk away. She then says “Its ok the position is mostly weekends only and you can turn down the assignments that don’t fit in your schedule. We let models trade events with each other unless that specific person was requested.” I started laughing and said “wait, this is a modeling gig.”

I thought SCAM SCAM SCAM its probably for a web cam girl, escort, or something sketchy. She says “yes, I’m sorry did I not say thought I work for anhauser bush the beer company. You would be modeling for Budweiser, bud light, shock top….etc”

I told her to give me her number and that I would think about it so she can leave me alone. She pulls out her phone and asks for my number so she can text it to me. I gave her my number thinking ill just block her number after I walk away no big deal. She thanked me and before walking away gave me her business card and told me to email her some pictures of me in a tight outfit that shows my body and to look “full glam” in the photos. She then apologized for her appearance and said it was her day off but that she liked my look and couldn’t help herself. Then she walked away.

I went home and looked up her name, website, and did a reverse phone number look up on her work number. It seems authentic enough so I emailed her the pictures she had asked for and texted her that I was interested. She asked me to come into the office to set up my profile. I went to the address and low and behold it was the Pomona Budweiser warehouse. I walked in and meet her my booking agent, my bud light representative, and the sales person of Budweiser. She took photos of me, ask me do poses, taught me about the brand and made me memorize all their beers they offered. She even had me go over the dos and fonts off greeting customers and handling difficult situations. then she gave memo schedule and I signed my modeling contract and started working the next day.

That time I was mistaken as an escort

Yes, you seen that right. I was once mistaken as an escort. I was getting ready to go on a date with my love. Unfortunately, something work related came up forcing my love to met up with me later. Although, Since I was already all dressed up I thought I would still go out to eat all by myself…so I did. I was wearing a black skin tight mini dress, black strappy high heels, with a pink cardigan. I had long curls with a beautiful glowy makeup look with long thick eyelashes. I went all out for what was supposed to be my date night.

I was sitting at a booth in a fancy steak restaurant when an older man around the age of sixty years old asked if he can have a seat at my booth. I said “yes,” out of curiosity. Now keep in mind that Im a twenty four year old that look like a nineteen year old. This older man who called himself Mack was a perfect gentleman. Mack was very kind, respectful, and had a southern accent. We had a friendly conversation. No flirting. No talk of anything inappropriate. We talked about the most innocent and random things as we ate then once we had finished our meals Mack thanked me for my time and left an envelope on his seat.

He walked out of the restaurant and to my surprise he paid for both our bills. I leaned over to get the envelope he left on his seat so I can run out and hand it to him. When I picked up the envelope it felt thick. On the front of the envelope it said “To: The beautiful lady” on it. I opened it as I sat there waiting for my fiancé to pick me up so we can start our date night. Inside the envelope was $500 and a business card with a note on the back saying “I had a great time. You were more beautiful then I expected. I would love to continue this else where if you are interested.  I will compensate you for time.”

I was shocked that this man thought I was an escort. He never made any remarks or suggested anything that would have given me any clue as to what this man thought was going on. I walked out to my finances truck once he arrived to pick me up and showed him the envelop and told him what happened. We couldn’t stop laughing. We were so excited to have $500 that we decided to spend four nights in Vegas and have the trip we otherwise could not have afforded.

 

 

How I knew he was the one

My husband Cole made me feel things I had never felt before. When I was in his presence I would feel inexplicably safe. When he would hug me I felt like I was untouchable and his arms were impenetrable from the outside world. I had 100% complete trust in him. He became my security blanket. No matter where I was or what I did if cole was there I had not a worry in the world. He was able to give me complete assurance and calm me down with a single glance.

He also gave me the strongest sensation of peace that I have ever felt. His eyes made me forget all my problems or that I even had any. When I would feel his breath on my face as he talked to me I would get the warmest sensation throughout my body and the whole world would become nonexistent. Where ever we were no matter the situation he was able to bring me peace because if he was there I felt at home. Cole had become my home.

Cole even gave me the strongest sexual awakening I had ever experienced. He lit a fire in me with a single touch, look, or whisper. He’s skin tickled mine every time we where in close proximity. When he would hold my hand I could swear I felt electricity running up my arms. When he would kiss me I could feel and hear my heart pulsating with every single beat getting louder, faster, and harder. When he whispered in my ear I felt an uncontrollable passion run throughout my whole body almost as if I was going to explode into a million tiny pieces with a single word. I had never wanted anyone as much as I wanted him. I craved him like an addiction and wanted him like no man has ever desired another. A passion in me that I have never felt came alive in me when I met cole.

He was also undeniable romantic, thoughtful, loving, and selfless. Cole would try to learn as much about me as possible to set the perfect dates. He always asked how I was feeling, or what I needed. He never judged or ignored an issue. He would have quality conversations with me, ask me genuine questions, and give me authentic responses. He made me feel important like I was the only person in the room with him every time we talked. He would go out of his way to make me comfortable even if it meant he had to be uncomfortable. He never complained about anything and always tried to see things from my point of view and I his. He also never had any expectations and appreciated the smallest things. He was an open book, an honest man, and a loyal partner. He would sacrifice everything to give me the world.

Cole was a true gentleman. He would open every door and slide every chair for me. He never cursed in front of me or talked ill of anyone. He would always wait for me to eat first. He would never refer to me as anything other then “Gorgeous.” He always paid for every meal, knocked at my door to get me and walked me back to my door to make sure I was safe. He never judged me, pressured me, or made me uncomfortable in any way. All he cared about was my happiness and I his.

Cole is a hard worker, great provider, my safe place, my passion, my love, my everything. I had seen all these qualities and more in him then I had ever seen in anyone else before. He was the kindest and most caring man I had ever had the honor of meeting. These are the reasons I fell in love with him and these are the reasons I still am and always will be! I always thought love was just a fairytale until I met him. Cole truly is my soulmate and I never knew how empty I was until I met him, because once I met him I instantly felt whole. I was my true self with him.

What the nudist lifestyle taught me

A couple of years ago I was at a very low point in my life. I had weighed the most I have ever weighed. I was 145 pounds and only 5’5. This isn’t bad, but because I was younger I found myself constantly comparing myself to actors on tv, models in the magazines, and other beauty gurus on social media. I was seeing this ideal unattainable beauty so much that I began to think that this is just how everyone looks and that this is normal….”so why didn’t I look like this?” I had no self esteem or confidence. I just felt ugly.

The more I tried to look like the women on tv the worse I felt about myself. When I would wear makeup all it would make me think is “why aren’t I this beautiful without it?” When I would wear a corset or a body shaper I would think “why isn’t my body like this naturally?” The answer is because those models and actors won the genetic lottery in life and thats why there famous and thats why there seen everywhere. Those women were beautiful exceptions not the norm.

In my goal of rewiring my brain to see myself as “normal” I knew I had to change the way I thought. I decided to unplug from everything. I canceled my cable and got rid of all my social media accounts. Now that I was no longer constantly being bombarded with what the media thought was beautiful I was able to get a little more comfortable in my own skin. Then when I was no longer comparing myself to daily images of beauty I was unconsciously receiving I felt more confident and comfortable in my own skin. Although, I still wanted to see other people in their raw natural bodies so I can have some peace of mind that “yes, I fit in” and “yes, I am normal.” Which lead me to attending a nudist event where people didn’t see a body as sex object but as simply a body.

When I attended the nudist event I was very shy and uncomfortable. I wore a lose dress with no undergarments in case I wanted to participate in the event. I walked around and after a few minutes of seeing all the people there I began to feel beautiful again to the point where I had enough confidence to remove my dress and participate. The people at the nudist event were mothers, daughters, grandmothers, and from all walks of life. They had normal bodies with stretch marks, scars, and acne. Every body had its own shape some were round, some were curvy, some were straight, some were tight, and some were very saggy. Not every body looked a like. The people that lived at the nudist colony full time had no perception of physical beauty. They didn’t have athletic bodies or work out. They weren’t materialistic and didn’t care about the latest fashion trend. They were genuine people who cared about who you were in the inside rather then how you looked on the outside. That day I learned to stop comparing myself to the unattainable and to be happy with what I have because there is no average/normal body. Everyone is unique and peoples flaws are what make them different, beautiful, and intriguing. That day I realized that I forgot to remind myself that everything is photoshopped and filtered through beauty apps to look amazing, flawless, perfect, and most importantly unattainable! Beauty is not definable.

What I learned being a Phone Sex Operator.

I spent a few month working at home as a phone sex operator! What I learned was that talking dirty was more important then I thought. Men wanted women to talk dirty to them, because it makes them feel desired and sexually wanted. These men were climaxing for me quicker over the phone with what I was saying to them then they would have if I had touched them. These men had wives and girlfriends at home yet they were still calling me!? why? Because they weren’t getting the additional stimulus at home. Now, these men loved their partners and did not want to cheat on them, but they felt unwanted or stuck in a sexual routine so they set on calling me.
These men loved, fantasies, role play, descriptions, and lots of details. They wanted the women to be spontaneous and sometimes initiate because they, like women, also wanted to feel sexually desired. It gave them confidence and self worth. After seeing how these men craved words of affirmation from their partners in bed I knew it must of been an important factor for them the same way affection and romance was an important factor for me in bed. Seeing how wild these men got over the phone gave me the idea to try it in my personal life.

The first night with my husband Cole I decided to give it a try but I froze, got nervous, and lost my words. I thought I would just trying saying what I would say over the phone, but it wasn’t genuine and he could tell. Plus, it came out more rehearsed and uncomfortable then I thought it would. So I decided to try taking it slow and build up to it. I started by saying what I was already thinking…just out loud this time. Once I started doing that it came out of me quick and natural.

I started by telling him how good he felt and how I loved when he touched me. I then decided to get more descriptive as I had learned over the phone. During intercourse I would tell him that I missed him and I had been wanting to fuck him all day. I would tell him how excited I got and ask him to feel how wet I was for him. I would let him know how good he felt, how big he felt, or how soft his skin felt sliding against my tongue. I would even randomly text him fantasies I had of us during the day while he was at work. I would also surprise him with a sexy outfit about once a week and initiate the whole thing. Its safe to say that not only our relationship but, our sex life has improved dramatically!

He seemed happier, more excited, confident, and was more affectionate and romantic with me. He claimed that he never knew how much I wanted him. I assumed he knew although how could he if I never vocally stated it. Men need to hear it. Women go off emotions and feelings. We as women need to “feel” loved, wanted, and sexy. Men need to be shown it. Men are typically not as emotionally aware as women are so we need to show them, tell them, and remind them every now and then.

Our sex life has gone from 4 times a week to 8. Now that he feels more confident, loved, and overall happier, he has become more affectionate towards me. Rather then him coming home to watch tv he wants to spend time with me, surprise me with romantic outings, and do some of the household errands so that I don’t have to. He claims he wants to make me feel as loved as I make him feel. I can honestly say I have never felt so loved and wanted. Our relationship is now full of passion and intensity. We have both learned to be more giving, thoughtful, considerate, and loving. It feels like were new to each other dating all over again. I know people say a happy wife is a happy life, but in reality if the husband is not happy how is he supposed to have the motivation or fuel to make his wife happy. In relationships you really do get what you give. Without having been a phone sex operator I don’t think I would have ever learned just how important words of affirmation were to a man. I had no idea that talking dirty would have such an affect on my marriage outside of sex, but it did and for this I am am forever grateful! Talking dirty has not only improved my marriage overall, but it has made my husband a happier more confident man and that to me was worth it alone.