A couple of years ago I was at a very low point in my life. I had weighed the most I have ever weighed. I was 145 pounds and only 5’5. This isn’t bad, but because I was younger I found myself constantly comparing myself to actors on tv, models in the magazines, and other beauty gurus on social media. I was seeing this ideal unattainable beauty so much that I began to think that this is just how everyone looks and that this is normal….”so why didn’t I look like this?” I had no self esteem or confidence. I just felt ugly.
The more I tried to look like the women on tv the worse I felt about myself. When I would wear makeup all it would make me think is “why aren’t I this beautiful without it?” When I would wear a corset or a body shaper I would think “why isn’t my body like this naturally?” The answer is because those models and actors won the genetic lottery in life and thats why there famous and thats why there seen everywhere. Those women were beautiful exceptions not the norm.
In my goal of rewiring my brain to see myself as “normal” I knew I had to change the way I thought. I decided to unplug from everything. I canceled my cable and got rid of all my social media accounts. Now that I was no longer constantly being bombarded with what the media thought was beautiful I was able to get a little more comfortable in my own skin. Then when I was no longer comparing myself to daily images of beauty I was unconsciously receiving I felt more confident and comfortable in my own skin. Although, I still wanted to see other people in their raw natural bodies so I can have some peace of mind that “yes, I fit in” and “yes, I am normal.” Which lead me to attending a nudist event where people didn’t see a body as sex object but as simply a body.
When I attended the nudist event I was very shy and uncomfortable. I wore a lose dress with no undergarments in case I wanted to participate in the event. I walked around and after a few minutes of seeing all the people there I began to feel beautiful again to the point where I had enough confidence to remove my dress and participate. The people at the nudist event were mothers, daughters, grandmothers, and from all walks of life. They had normal bodies with stretch marks, scars, and acne. Every body had its own shape some were round, some were curvy, some were straight, some were tight, and some were very saggy. Not every body looked a like. The people that lived at the nudist colony full time had no perception of physical beauty. They didn’t have athletic bodies or work out. They weren’t materialistic and didn’t care about the latest fashion trend. They were genuine people who cared about who you were in the inside rather then how you looked on the outside. That day I learned to stop comparing myself to the unattainable and to be happy with what I have because there is no average/normal body. Everyone is unique and peoples flaws are what make them different, beautiful, and intriguing. That day I realized that I forgot to remind myself that everything is photoshopped and filtered through beauty apps to look amazing, flawless, perfect, and most importantly unattainable! Beauty is not definable.